Epiphany

Last night I got so upset, I have a lot of personal issues and family issues happening in my life right now and I haven't been telling Sam any of it because I don't want to interfere with his time away and as I was talking to him over FaceTime he made some jokes that really upset me. I didn't get mad at him because he has no idea what's going on for me, but it hurt none the less. I was feeling so crummy about myself that I was close to throwing everything away and giving up, and I mean giving up on school, work and even on Sam. And then I stopped, and I thought, "why?", just a simple question, I had no real reason to be as upset as I have been as Sam has been away. Yes, I miss him like no other, and yes I care for more than anyone I ever had before, but I can not keep worrying about when he comes home that things will be completely different. I have to focus on the now, and for now we're apart, and I need to see that as a gift. A gift of time to work on myself, find a retinue, find things that make me grow, that make me happy. Time apart from your significant other can not be a time of mourning and sadness. It needs to be a time to grow, to reflect and a time to become stronger. Because if you don't see this as a positive in the distance and grow you run the risk of becoming dependent on the other person, you run the risk of putting to much pressure of everything being perfect and magical when they come home (which it might be but if you put to much pressure on it then you may end up being disappointed) So grow, reflect and become stronger while they're away. Have them come home to a independent stronger you.

mbg