Last night I got so upset, I have a lot of personal issues and family issues happening in my life right now and I haven't been telling Sam any of it because I don't want to interfere with his time away and as I was talking to him over FaceTime he made some jokes that really upset me. I didn't get mad at him because he has no idea what's going on for me, but it hurt none the less. I was feeling so crummy about myself that I was close to throwing everything away and giving up, and I mean giving up on school, work and even on Sam. And then I stopped, and I thought, "why?", just a simple question, I had no real reason to be as upset as I have been as Sam has been away. Yes, I miss him like no other, and yes I care for more than anyone I ever had before, but I can not keep worrying about when he comes home that things will be completely different. I have to focus on the now, and for now we're apart, and I need to see that as a gift. A gift of time to work on myself, find a retinue, find things that make me grow, that make me happy. Time apart from your significant other can not be a time of mourning and sadness. It needs to be a time to grow, to reflect and a time to become stronger. Because if you don't see this as a positive in the distance and grow you run the risk of becoming dependent on the other person, you run the risk of putting to much pressure of everything being perfect and magical when they come home (which it might be but if you put to much pressure on it then you may end up being disappointed) So grow, reflect and become stronger while they're away. Have them come home to a independent stronger you.
mbg
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Don't be blinded by your aching heart
Today was my birthday, and naturally I wanted Sam to be with me today. I kept thinking I needed him here to have a good birthday that I forgot about those who were psychically with me that wanted me to have a wonderful day. So, as I was walking to my car in the freezing rain I cleared my head of the need for Sam and changed it into a want for Sam, and I put that want on the side of my brain rather than upfront so I could focus on those around me. Of course, I still missed him dearly and think about him all the time, but I was able to enjoy myself and embrace the love from the others around me enough so my heart ache for him was lowered. Luckily, I was able to facetime with him today, and the fact that I didn't make a need to see him but a want to see him made our time together even more special.
The moral of this whole thing is to pay attention to how much your mood depends on your significant others distance from you. I know for me that's been hard to understand, it's taken me over month to realize this. You and your other can't do anything about the distance and the speed of time, so embrace the love and companionship around you. Keep your significant other in your hear and in your mind, but don't place them up front, other wise you maybe blinded to those around you that can help you along the way. Like the post Cait made a couple days ago, make a support group around you, surround yourself around health people that make you happy. Let family and friends fill that part of you that's missing the best they can till your loved one comes home.Not only will it help you feel better but it can make the time go by faster.
mbg
The moral of this whole thing is to pay attention to how much your mood depends on your significant others distance from you. I know for me that's been hard to understand, it's taken me over month to realize this. You and your other can't do anything about the distance and the speed of time, so embrace the love and companionship around you. Keep your significant other in your hear and in your mind, but don't place them up front, other wise you maybe blinded to those around you that can help you along the way. Like the post Cait made a couple days ago, make a support group around you, surround yourself around health people that make you happy. Let family and friends fill that part of you that's missing the best they can till your loved one comes home.Not only will it help you feel better but it can make the time go by faster.
mbg
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Keep Things Fun
Something I've noticed with the long distance relationship thing is that being away from your significant other from a long period of time will make you super depressed. And that just sucks. Why sit around being depressed about it when you can come up with ways to make the time go by easier? And I'm not just saying keep yourself busy or distracted, although it does help. What I mean is keeping your relationship interesting and fun while you're away.
In my case, I've learned that not seeing someone every day means that it's easier to surprise them. My boyfriend cut his hair recently for example (ha...not a pleasant surprise, I must admit). But because of this, he and I have gotten on a sort of "kick" just surprising each other with random things. For example, I bought him something the other day but wouldn't tell him what it was or even show him until last night. That kept him guessing, and it was a lot of fun seeing how close he was to being right or wrong. Obviously don't drag it out to the point where it's not worth the surprise anymore...but dragging it out just enough makes it a lot of fun.
Another thing I've noticed is that being away from someone makes you rely more on your spoken/textual interactions. Sometimes its difficult to come up with something to talk about, even though we want to talk to each other. Usually to solve this problem I find stuff to converse about through what I've been doing or what I've been reading. If I read a tidbit of information somewhere or find something funny that I think he'd like, that's usually a good way to start a conversation. Lately I've been sharing stuff with him from tumblr blogs like the "did you know" blog. It certainly makes for interesting conversation!
It might seem silly, but I think a lot of people have trouble coming up with conversation starters sometimes...so hopefully some of my tips help people as much as they have been helping me! :)
-Julia
In my case, I've learned that not seeing someone every day means that it's easier to surprise them. My boyfriend cut his hair recently for example (ha...not a pleasant surprise, I must admit). But because of this, he and I have gotten on a sort of "kick" just surprising each other with random things. For example, I bought him something the other day but wouldn't tell him what it was or even show him until last night. That kept him guessing, and it was a lot of fun seeing how close he was to being right or wrong. Obviously don't drag it out to the point where it's not worth the surprise anymore...but dragging it out just enough makes it a lot of fun.
Another thing I've noticed is that being away from someone makes you rely more on your spoken/textual interactions. Sometimes its difficult to come up with something to talk about, even though we want to talk to each other. Usually to solve this problem I find stuff to converse about through what I've been doing or what I've been reading. If I read a tidbit of information somewhere or find something funny that I think he'd like, that's usually a good way to start a conversation. Lately I've been sharing stuff with him from tumblr blogs like the "did you know" blog. It certainly makes for interesting conversation!
It might seem silly, but I think a lot of people have trouble coming up with conversation starters sometimes...so hopefully some of my tips help people as much as they have been helping me! :)
-Julia
Monday, October 24, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
The abilty to influence others
Last night I met my best friend's boyfriend, Eric, they needed a ride to a party since they had been drinking before hand, so I gave up my plans that night to stay with them to then drive them. Of course, since Sam is still away for about 47 days, seeing couples being all touchy, lovey and cute makes my heart ache. But as I was driving them to the party, my friend noticed how I had one of Sam's passes from class pinned to the roof of my car. She started to cry, and she looked at me and said "I miss Sam, I miss him so much for you, I can't imagine what you go through, you two are perfect together, he treats you so well, he takes time out of his day to talk to you whenever he can. You're miles away and he still loves you." I was speechless, here I am, late at night driving on a busy road, with street lights speeding by and she's telling me all this. Then she said "Eric, I base our relationship off Mary Beth and Sam, everything they do I want to do with you, the way they treat each other and feel for each other I want for us. They are what I base us off of." No one said anything, no one knew what to say, I had no idea that Sam and I had any influence on anyone. I didn't know we meant anything to anyone, granted Annie was drunk, but this morning I asked if she meant what she said she said she meant every word.
When I dropped them off, I started to cry, I couldn't help it, I had been ignoring everything fiber of me missing Sam for weeks, and now I had to face it. But through the heart ache I realized how much of a influence and inspiration you can be if you're in a healthy relationship. And a big part of that comes from being strong, trusting and faithful while your significant other is away. If you can show others that distance doesn't hamper anything between you and your other, then you can be a good influence in a world full of negative influences. I guess through this whole time, I forgot about the people surrounding me, I was focused on just Sam and I and my support group, I didn't even think about anyone else, any other couples. So, I decided that whenever I'm asked about Sam and I, I won't say how hard it is, I won''t focus on my missing him like crazy, but I'll focus on the gift we have been given to grow closer and stronger through distance. I know that not every couple that faces long distance becomes stronger, but it was possible and luckily Julie, Cait and I have been strong and trusting enough to get postive out of our relaitonshiops. And I think its good to understand how infliuenceacal and insirpsing that can be to other couples.
So, if you are in a long distance relationship, or even just in a really healthy relationship, be the guide for others, listen and help others, share your happiness with them.
When I dropped them off, I started to cry, I couldn't help it, I had been ignoring everything fiber of me missing Sam for weeks, and now I had to face it. But through the heart ache I realized how much of a influence and inspiration you can be if you're in a healthy relationship. And a big part of that comes from being strong, trusting and faithful while your significant other is away. If you can show others that distance doesn't hamper anything between you and your other, then you can be a good influence in a world full of negative influences. I guess through this whole time, I forgot about the people surrounding me, I was focused on just Sam and I and my support group, I didn't even think about anyone else, any other couples. So, I decided that whenever I'm asked about Sam and I, I won't say how hard it is, I won''t focus on my missing him like crazy, but I'll focus on the gift we have been given to grow closer and stronger through distance. I know that not every couple that faces long distance becomes stronger, but it was possible and luckily Julie, Cait and I have been strong and trusting enough to get postive out of our relaitonshiops. And I think its good to understand how infliuenceacal and insirpsing that can be to other couples.
So, if you are in a long distance relationship, or even just in a really healthy relationship, be the guide for others, listen and help others, share your happiness with them.
The Importance of a support group
Although I've learned quite a few lessons about myself and my life in general from being in a long distance relationship, I think one of the most important ones I've come across is that of having a good group of friends who support you. At first, it was pretty difficult for me to find people who were in them, or even were willing to take them seriously. Unfortunately, I'm sure you won't have to imagine how frustrating that was.
One thing I have noticed, however, is how much my relationship has significantly improved after simply surrounding myself with people who are supportive. Always be open about your relationship, talk about it just as much as you would if your other half was with you. Julia, Mary Beth and Holly have met my boyfriend, Tyler, only a handful of times and yet they're so supportive of us. I talk/brag about Tyler all the time, what he's doing, when we're planning to visit, what we'll do, what he wrote about in a letter, and so on so forth. The more you make your relationship known to others the more they will begin to understand and respect it.
It can hurt a lot when your friends and family are skeptical or do not validate your relationship simply due to distance. The more you are honest and the more you integrate them into conversation truly does make a difference. I encourage all of you to be a little bit more open, talk more about your significant other and I guarantee you that supportive people will turn up. This is how I met Mary Beth and Julia and I couldn't ask for more supportive and amazing friends who are going through the same things I am.
-Cait
It can hurt a lot when your friends and family are skeptical or do not validate your relationship simply due to distance. The more you are honest and the more you integrate them into conversation truly does make a difference. I encourage all of you to be a little bit more open, talk more about your significant other and I guarantee you that supportive people will turn up. This is how I met Mary Beth and Julia and I couldn't ask for more supportive and amazing friends who are going through the same things I am.
-Cait
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Take Time to Make Time
Hey guys!
So I've been getting a few emails and asks on tumblr (for those of you who want to ask anonymous questions) from a couple of girls and guys (seriously we had no idea guys read this blog, you're rad!) and all of them have been surrounding time management and how to better it in their long distance relationships. I find myself struggling with this aspect of my relationship almost 24/7, and it's important for you guys to know that I'm fairly certain that it happens to everyone! That being said bare with me as I share some awesome tips and tricks that I've picked up over the past year and some awesome suggestions from a few of our readers.
Between work, school, and friends it's tough to have any relationship, especially when your significant other is far away. However one important viewpoint I've found helpful is holding your obligations to things like video chats, phone calls and texts just as important as interactions in 'real life'. About 99% of the time in real life you most likely wouldn't find yourself canceling out on your boyfriend or girlfriend and ask "Hey, can we maybe do this some other time?" minutes before you were set to hang out. Although spontaneity is a key quality in any relationship, sometimes planning even at least one day/time a week for something like Skype can be incredibly helpful and reassuring.
If you're in a long distance relationship due to college/school studying can take up a huge amount of your time. It can be tricky to set healthy priorities for yourself when you're wanting to please and spend time with someone else. One of my friends gave me the cute idea of studying 'together'. Send your other half a word document with your notes/other study materials and have them quiz you on it over Skype! It will definitely make studying much more fun and help you to manage between school and your relationship.
Do you guys have any good tips about time management or anything special you do to make time for your boyfriend or girlfriend?
-Cait
So I've been getting a few emails and asks on tumblr (for those of you who want to ask anonymous questions) from a couple of girls and guys (seriously we had no idea guys read this blog, you're rad!) and all of them have been surrounding time management and how to better it in their long distance relationships. I find myself struggling with this aspect of my relationship almost 24/7, and it's important for you guys to know that I'm fairly certain that it happens to everyone! That being said bare with me as I share some awesome tips and tricks that I've picked up over the past year and some awesome suggestions from a few of our readers.
Between work, school, and friends it's tough to have any relationship, especially when your significant other is far away. However one important viewpoint I've found helpful is holding your obligations to things like video chats, phone calls and texts just as important as interactions in 'real life'. About 99% of the time in real life you most likely wouldn't find yourself canceling out on your boyfriend or girlfriend and ask "Hey, can we maybe do this some other time?" minutes before you were set to hang out. Although spontaneity is a key quality in any relationship, sometimes planning even at least one day/time a week for something like Skype can be incredibly helpful and reassuring.
If you're in a long distance relationship due to college/school studying can take up a huge amount of your time. It can be tricky to set healthy priorities for yourself when you're wanting to please and spend time with someone else. One of my friends gave me the cute idea of studying 'together'. Send your other half a word document with your notes/other study materials and have them quiz you on it over Skype! It will definitely make studying much more fun and help you to manage between school and your relationship.
Do you guys have any good tips about time management or anything special you do to make time for your boyfriend or girlfriend?
-Cait
Saturday, October 8, 2011
I wish we as a society didn't stretch the word love out to where it is now. I think we as humans, once we generally figured out what love is and could be, we started using it to the point where we've almost lost all meaning to the word. I mean, we even use it to describe hate, saying things like "I love hating her/him" And then we have many different "types" of love, friendship, family, strangers, neighbors, boyfriends, husbands, pets. And how do we know that the love the couple across form you is different than the love you feel for your significant other? If that couples love doesn't last, and they said it was the same love as you share, why would yours last? And the truth is, nothing is 100% for sure. Nothing will come easy with out work and hope. If you believe that your love with someone can last and will last and you will fight for it then in my opinion you've got what it takes to make it last. That to me is true love, the fight. I believe love is something that happens suddenly, and requires work and thought. No love can last with out a fight. And with that fight comes a great reward, memories with someone you have given your whole self to, and to those who fight and bask in those wonderful moments, I would like to say thank you, because you give hope and a wonderful example to the generations to come that love is possible in this society we're in now where divorce and heart break is a regular thing. Keep fighting, because when you share yourself with someone you can both create beautiful memories together.
mbg
mbg
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
3 things to do together, even when you're apart!
Hey guys!
Over the past year and a half I've been experimenting with quite a few ways to keep in touch with my boyfriend. Letter writing, text, IM, and video chat are all great- but they can get a bit routine if you can't think of a few ways to make them unique.
1. My boyfriend and I have always written letters back and forth, but unfortunately by the time the letter got there we'd pretty much already discussed everything that it contained. Although it's always nice to get a tangible 'piece of someone' every now and then it can get a bit frustrating that the letter won't have any element of surprise to it. I like to think that Tyler and I are pretty goofy people, so we always included odd little stick figures or tiny doodles in our letters. Until recently it didn't occur to me how much fun it might be to actually draw a picture and send it back and forth- each of you adding a contribution to it (one of you draws the out line, one of you colors it in, ect). Despite what you all may think artistic talent definitely isn't required. Some times things can be even more interesting if you have to take a minute to figure out what was even being drawn in the first place! Or if you're lacking the motivation or inspiration to draw, pick up a coloring book and add some of your talents to it!
2. I work retail and one of the worst feelings in the world is seeing adorable couples come in to the fitting room and put on fashion shows for each other. I always loved going out with my boyfriend and trying on both serious outfits and, well, completely ridiculous things and watching him do the same. I'm stealing this next idea from a guy who came into the fitting rooms the other day and Facetimed his girlfriend from his iPhone as he came out of the fitting room and in front of our big mirror. It was absolutely precious seeing them interact as if they were actually with each other. Now for those of you who aren't Apple product addicted like I am- send your significant other pictures of the outfits before you try them on and let them pick out which they want you to try on. Send them pictures of all the outfits on and let them decide one of the ones you choose to buy- and definitely don't forget to try on something absolutely ridiculous.
3. Something I've been toying with recently is sending my boyfriend pizza to his dorm over exam week or some other time when he's super busy- unfortunately none of the places I've called so far either don't deliver to dorms or won't take my debit card over the phone (ugh, right?). This then lead me to the idea of sitting down and having a dinner date together over Skype. Unfortunately he can't cook in his dorm but then I figured out we both have the same kinds of restaurants around us. Pick something you can afford and see if they have gift cards, mail the gift card in a letter and attach a post it note asking them out on a dinner date! Pick out a time that works for the both of you and go pick up some food for yourself from the same place and get together on Skype and voila! A dinner date!
I hope these little ideas have got your imaginations and inspiration going! Be sure to let me know if you guys have any ideas you'd like to add or if any of these worked well for you :)
-Cait
Over the past year and a half I've been experimenting with quite a few ways to keep in touch with my boyfriend. Letter writing, text, IM, and video chat are all great- but they can get a bit routine if you can't think of a few ways to make them unique.
1. My boyfriend and I have always written letters back and forth, but unfortunately by the time the letter got there we'd pretty much already discussed everything that it contained. Although it's always nice to get a tangible 'piece of someone' every now and then it can get a bit frustrating that the letter won't have any element of surprise to it. I like to think that Tyler and I are pretty goofy people, so we always included odd little stick figures or tiny doodles in our letters. Until recently it didn't occur to me how much fun it might be to actually draw a picture and send it back and forth- each of you adding a contribution to it (one of you draws the out line, one of you colors it in, ect). Despite what you all may think artistic talent definitely isn't required. Some times things can be even more interesting if you have to take a minute to figure out what was even being drawn in the first place! Or if you're lacking the motivation or inspiration to draw, pick up a coloring book and add some of your talents to it!
2. I work retail and one of the worst feelings in the world is seeing adorable couples come in to the fitting room and put on fashion shows for each other. I always loved going out with my boyfriend and trying on both serious outfits and, well, completely ridiculous things and watching him do the same. I'm stealing this next idea from a guy who came into the fitting rooms the other day and Facetimed his girlfriend from his iPhone as he came out of the fitting room and in front of our big mirror. It was absolutely precious seeing them interact as if they were actually with each other. Now for those of you who aren't Apple product addicted like I am- send your significant other pictures of the outfits before you try them on and let them pick out which they want you to try on. Send them pictures of all the outfits on and let them decide one of the ones you choose to buy- and definitely don't forget to try on something absolutely ridiculous.
3. Something I've been toying with recently is sending my boyfriend pizza to his dorm over exam week or some other time when he's super busy- unfortunately none of the places I've called so far either don't deliver to dorms or won't take my debit card over the phone (ugh, right?). This then lead me to the idea of sitting down and having a dinner date together over Skype. Unfortunately he can't cook in his dorm but then I figured out we both have the same kinds of restaurants around us. Pick something you can afford and see if they have gift cards, mail the gift card in a letter and attach a post it note asking them out on a dinner date! Pick out a time that works for the both of you and go pick up some food for yourself from the same place and get together on Skype and voila! A dinner date!
I hope these little ideas have got your imaginations and inspiration going! Be sure to let me know if you guys have any ideas you'd like to add or if any of these worked well for you :)
-Cait
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