Sorry about the lack of posts. With finals, apartment searching, the holidays and visits from boyfriends/friends we've all been crazy busy! If there is anything you'd like us to give our opinions on, need advice or just need to talk to someone please email us at theextramileblog@gmail.com. we love nd appreciate any and all emails.
much love,
theextramile team
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Tips for a successful first visit!
So even though my boyfriend and I have been long distance for about a year now (although he's been home for summer, spring, winter break, ect) I finally took my first trip to go visit him at school this weekend. The visit couldn't have gone any better, it was probably my favorite amount of time we've ever spent together in the whole entire 2 1/2 years that we've been together. I finally felt like all of the things we've had to go through and all of our hard work had finally paid off. I was finally able to see all of the places he described, match all of the names to faces and most importantly have some quality time and spend the day together.
Since I had such an easy going and positive experience I thought I'd share some tips with you guys on how to plan your first visit to see your boyfriend or girlfriend while they're at school.
1. Plan ahead!
Although this may seem like common sense, many people (myself included) aren't aware of half of the factors needed just to plan a date for a visit. School, work and family make it hard enough to pick a date that works just for you, but you also have to take into account your significant other's schedule, as well. Make sure to get confirmations on requests off for work, double check to make sure you don't have any big tests coming up or any other events you need to be at before you RSVP to a visit. Although things do come up, canceling is completely heartbreaking for the both of you. It's much better to suggest another time or date rather than really banking on something that might have even the slightest chance of not working out. Always make sure that things are 100% set before you set a date!
2. Be courteous!
Since many LDR visits require an overnight stay, so really plan ahead and save accordingly on where you'll be staying. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay in my boyfriend's dorm, he has great room mates who were nothing but welcoming and allowed me to stay the night. Always show how grateful you are for their generosity- buy them a pizza (because every college student loves pizza, right?), or make some baked goods! It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, just be sure to let them know that the gesture was appreciated.
3. Know the rules
It's very important that if you are staying in a dorm or even just visiting that you know the rules of the building. Are there strict visiting hours? Are you even allowed to stay over night? Is there paperwork or forms you need to sign or check in with? Will you need a parking pass? Be sure to have all of this done ahead of time or do it at the beginning of your visit so that you can be worry free for the rest of your stay!
4. Start saving
If you aren't so lucky in the room mate department, maybe plan your visit for a night where their room mates will be out of town or visiting another room. You have to remember that the dorm is their space and they have every right to be there. If staying still isn't an option, universities will almost always have lots of affordable hotels very close by. Start saving up way ahead of time, and maybe even ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to help pitch in or if there are any student discounts or rates that they can get with their student ID. Another way to cut down on costs is working out on who will pay for what. It may seem a bit silly or nit picky but you'll be surprised at how much money you could save, which, in the long run will help you towards your next visit! Maybe if you pay for the hotel, your boyfriend or girlfriend can buy the food and pick up the tab for any fun activities that you go do during your visit.
5. Go with the flow
Although my boyfriend planned a few things for us to do, I really liked the fact the we took our time and just did what he normally did during the day. It was nice to finally put names to faces, go for walks and see all of the places he describes at our own pace. It felt nice not to have a set schedule and worry about limiting our time doing one thing to get to another. Believe me, it's much easier to spend quality time with someone when you're not thinking about time and how much of it you have left. Although time will fly during your visit, it's best to have real and relaxing memories to hold onto vs. those of a jam-packed and stressful day.
I wish all of you guys luck in planning your visits and I hope you have as much fun as I did! As always, please don't hesitate to email or ask (going anonymous is an option with this link) with any questions you have, advice you need, or topics you'd like to see covered by us!
-Cait
Since I had such an easy going and positive experience I thought I'd share some tips with you guys on how to plan your first visit to see your boyfriend or girlfriend while they're at school.
1. Plan ahead!
Although this may seem like common sense, many people (myself included) aren't aware of half of the factors needed just to plan a date for a visit. School, work and family make it hard enough to pick a date that works just for you, but you also have to take into account your significant other's schedule, as well. Make sure to get confirmations on requests off for work, double check to make sure you don't have any big tests coming up or any other events you need to be at before you RSVP to a visit. Although things do come up, canceling is completely heartbreaking for the both of you. It's much better to suggest another time or date rather than really banking on something that might have even the slightest chance of not working out. Always make sure that things are 100% set before you set a date!
2. Be courteous!
Since many LDR visits require an overnight stay, so really plan ahead and save accordingly on where you'll be staying. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay in my boyfriend's dorm, he has great room mates who were nothing but welcoming and allowed me to stay the night. Always show how grateful you are for their generosity- buy them a pizza (because every college student loves pizza, right?), or make some baked goods! It doesn't have to be fancy or expensive, just be sure to let them know that the gesture was appreciated.
3. Know the rules
It's very important that if you are staying in a dorm or even just visiting that you know the rules of the building. Are there strict visiting hours? Are you even allowed to stay over night? Is there paperwork or forms you need to sign or check in with? Will you need a parking pass? Be sure to have all of this done ahead of time or do it at the beginning of your visit so that you can be worry free for the rest of your stay!
4. Start saving
If you aren't so lucky in the room mate department, maybe plan your visit for a night where their room mates will be out of town or visiting another room. You have to remember that the dorm is their space and they have every right to be there. If staying still isn't an option, universities will almost always have lots of affordable hotels very close by. Start saving up way ahead of time, and maybe even ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to help pitch in or if there are any student discounts or rates that they can get with their student ID. Another way to cut down on costs is working out on who will pay for what. It may seem a bit silly or nit picky but you'll be surprised at how much money you could save, which, in the long run will help you towards your next visit! Maybe if you pay for the hotel, your boyfriend or girlfriend can buy the food and pick up the tab for any fun activities that you go do during your visit.
5. Go with the flow
Although my boyfriend planned a few things for us to do, I really liked the fact the we took our time and just did what he normally did during the day. It was nice to finally put names to faces, go for walks and see all of the places he describes at our own pace. It felt nice not to have a set schedule and worry about limiting our time doing one thing to get to another. Believe me, it's much easier to spend quality time with someone when you're not thinking about time and how much of it you have left. Although time will fly during your visit, it's best to have real and relaxing memories to hold onto vs. those of a jam-packed and stressful day.
I wish all of you guys luck in planning your visits and I hope you have as much fun as I did! As always, please don't hesitate to email or ask (going anonymous is an option with this link) with any questions you have, advice you need, or topics you'd like to see covered by us!
-Cait
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Epiphany
Last night I got so upset, I have a lot of personal issues and family issues happening in my life right now and I haven't been telling Sam any of it because I don't want to interfere with his time away and as I was talking to him over FaceTime he made some jokes that really upset me. I didn't get mad at him because he has no idea what's going on for me, but it hurt none the less. I was feeling so crummy about myself that I was close to throwing everything away and giving up, and I mean giving up on school, work and even on Sam. And then I stopped, and I thought, "why?", just a simple question, I had no real reason to be as upset as I have been as Sam has been away. Yes, I miss him like no other, and yes I care for more than anyone I ever had before, but I can not keep worrying about when he comes home that things will be completely different. I have to focus on the now, and for now we're apart, and I need to see that as a gift. A gift of time to work on myself, find a retinue, find things that make me grow, that make me happy. Time apart from your significant other can not be a time of mourning and sadness. It needs to be a time to grow, to reflect and a time to become stronger. Because if you don't see this as a positive in the distance and grow you run the risk of becoming dependent on the other person, you run the risk of putting to much pressure of everything being perfect and magical when they come home (which it might be but if you put to much pressure on it then you may end up being disappointed) So grow, reflect and become stronger while they're away. Have them come home to a independent stronger you.
mbg
mbg
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Don't be blinded by your aching heart
Today was my birthday, and naturally I wanted Sam to be with me today. I kept thinking I needed him here to have a good birthday that I forgot about those who were psychically with me that wanted me to have a wonderful day. So, as I was walking to my car in the freezing rain I cleared my head of the need for Sam and changed it into a want for Sam, and I put that want on the side of my brain rather than upfront so I could focus on those around me. Of course, I still missed him dearly and think about him all the time, but I was able to enjoy myself and embrace the love from the others around me enough so my heart ache for him was lowered. Luckily, I was able to facetime with him today, and the fact that I didn't make a need to see him but a want to see him made our time together even more special.
The moral of this whole thing is to pay attention to how much your mood depends on your significant others distance from you. I know for me that's been hard to understand, it's taken me over month to realize this. You and your other can't do anything about the distance and the speed of time, so embrace the love and companionship around you. Keep your significant other in your hear and in your mind, but don't place them up front, other wise you maybe blinded to those around you that can help you along the way. Like the post Cait made a couple days ago, make a support group around you, surround yourself around health people that make you happy. Let family and friends fill that part of you that's missing the best they can till your loved one comes home.Not only will it help you feel better but it can make the time go by faster.
mbg
The moral of this whole thing is to pay attention to how much your mood depends on your significant others distance from you. I know for me that's been hard to understand, it's taken me over month to realize this. You and your other can't do anything about the distance and the speed of time, so embrace the love and companionship around you. Keep your significant other in your hear and in your mind, but don't place them up front, other wise you maybe blinded to those around you that can help you along the way. Like the post Cait made a couple days ago, make a support group around you, surround yourself around health people that make you happy. Let family and friends fill that part of you that's missing the best they can till your loved one comes home.Not only will it help you feel better but it can make the time go by faster.
mbg
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Keep Things Fun
Something I've noticed with the long distance relationship thing is that being away from your significant other from a long period of time will make you super depressed. And that just sucks. Why sit around being depressed about it when you can come up with ways to make the time go by easier? And I'm not just saying keep yourself busy or distracted, although it does help. What I mean is keeping your relationship interesting and fun while you're away.
In my case, I've learned that not seeing someone every day means that it's easier to surprise them. My boyfriend cut his hair recently for example (ha...not a pleasant surprise, I must admit). But because of this, he and I have gotten on a sort of "kick" just surprising each other with random things. For example, I bought him something the other day but wouldn't tell him what it was or even show him until last night. That kept him guessing, and it was a lot of fun seeing how close he was to being right or wrong. Obviously don't drag it out to the point where it's not worth the surprise anymore...but dragging it out just enough makes it a lot of fun.
Another thing I've noticed is that being away from someone makes you rely more on your spoken/textual interactions. Sometimes its difficult to come up with something to talk about, even though we want to talk to each other. Usually to solve this problem I find stuff to converse about through what I've been doing or what I've been reading. If I read a tidbit of information somewhere or find something funny that I think he'd like, that's usually a good way to start a conversation. Lately I've been sharing stuff with him from tumblr blogs like the "did you know" blog. It certainly makes for interesting conversation!
It might seem silly, but I think a lot of people have trouble coming up with conversation starters sometimes...so hopefully some of my tips help people as much as they have been helping me! :)
-Julia
In my case, I've learned that not seeing someone every day means that it's easier to surprise them. My boyfriend cut his hair recently for example (ha...not a pleasant surprise, I must admit). But because of this, he and I have gotten on a sort of "kick" just surprising each other with random things. For example, I bought him something the other day but wouldn't tell him what it was or even show him until last night. That kept him guessing, and it was a lot of fun seeing how close he was to being right or wrong. Obviously don't drag it out to the point where it's not worth the surprise anymore...but dragging it out just enough makes it a lot of fun.
Another thing I've noticed is that being away from someone makes you rely more on your spoken/textual interactions. Sometimes its difficult to come up with something to talk about, even though we want to talk to each other. Usually to solve this problem I find stuff to converse about through what I've been doing or what I've been reading. If I read a tidbit of information somewhere or find something funny that I think he'd like, that's usually a good way to start a conversation. Lately I've been sharing stuff with him from tumblr blogs like the "did you know" blog. It certainly makes for interesting conversation!
It might seem silly, but I think a lot of people have trouble coming up with conversation starters sometimes...so hopefully some of my tips help people as much as they have been helping me! :)
-Julia
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)